Pity you didn't stay in Mexico, dear boy.
Fed I may be, but the alcoholic beverages are financed by my goodself in recompense for my superb meal.
Should you wish to avail yourself of the odd opportunity to stand in for me on the rare occasion that I can't make it, then I am sure the club will be most delighted with your patronage. However, be prepared to bring at least 6 bottles of decent wine and not go home with any of them, as they can be a thirsty lot, our sponsors.
You can also have the pleasure of doing a 4-hour stint on the Burger barbie at Community Day, which will give you the opportunity of discussing your issues with the Chairman (he is the head chef).
There are, of course, other volunteers besides myself, so I am sure that a menial job could be found for you, and watching the dross on the pitch is not obligatory.